Monday, November 25, 2013
Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for squirrels and pine trees and autumn colors and Altoid Smalls wintergreen mints. Thank you for computers except when they decide to reformat my work mid-document. Thank you for snow…and 4-wheel drive. Thank you for meatloaf and pistachios. Thank you for first steps and last dances. Thank you for pumpkin ice cream and Christmas trees. Thank you for the time I had with my Dad and the time I still have with my Mom. Thank you for music. And the ability to make it. Thank you for words and being able to put them together in ways that can move a heart or give a smile. Thank you for Josh and Andy and Jaime. Thank you for my beautiful Amelia and Bella. Thank you for my best guys Brady and Brennan. Thank you for and to my wife. Thank you for the joys and sorrows of this life I get to live. Thank you for the chance to try again tomorrow.
Friday, November 22, 2013
For Terry...and his dining room light fixture adventure! Been there. Yeah my wife thought it would be a good idea to put a new light fixture in the dining room too. My wife has a lot of good ideas. Yep...really good ideas. Should be an easy little job...right? Take about an hour or so and voila...let there be new light. Unless you’re like me and feel that everything on the other side of a switch should be left to highly trained professionals. But c’mon...it’s a little light fixture. How hard can it be? So, I stared at it for about an hour trying to answer that very question. Then I put in a call to the Governor to see about shutting down the power on this side of the state or at least the city. No luck. Out of excuses, I shut off every circuit breaker in the house and went to work by flashlight. OK...connect black to black...white to white...ground to ground...and for God’s sake don’t let anything touch anything! I turned the breakers back on, evacuated the area, said a quick prayer to the patron saint of light fixtures...and flicked the switch via broom handle from the next room. Thank God nothing blew up. Now my wife is talking about replacing a faucet. My wife has a lot of good ideas. Yep...really good ideas.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Now, I know email has been around for quite awhile now, but it still amazes me. Communication with anyone…across the globe…instantly. I think the thing I find most exciting about the email world is the fact that through this magic…you meet the nicest people. You really do. Just yesterday I got an email from this guy, who I don’t even know mind you, that wanted to put a thousand dollars in my checking account within 24 hours. What a guy! And then there was the gentleman the other day who wanted to introduce me to lonely housewives. How incredibly thoughtful! He made it sound like there must be a lot of these ladies out there who need someone to talk to. There’s even a guy in Africa who wants to give me two million dollars…TWO MILLION…just for letting him use my bank account to help him keep his poor deceased uncle’s eleven million dollars away from the evil dictator and out of Africa. Talk about generous! And then there’s the group of doctors…well, I think they’re doctors… who want to increase my manhood by two to four inches. I’m 5’11” as it is though and while I truly appreciate the thought, I think I’m tall enough. Am I meeting the nicest people or what?! And all I have to do is open my email.
Monday, November 11, 2013
For our veterans...in spite of our congress. They called his name again. Like they did back then. They called him to serve again. Like they did back then. So, he rose from the place where he had fallen so many, many years ago. He was a plumber, who became a soldier, who became a leader. And on that frozen, splintered morning in the woods of Bastogne…he gave his life fighting to hold the line. They held the line. At such a horrible cost they held the line. They called his name again. One last mission…one last duty. So, he rose from the place where he had fallen so many, many years ago. His uniform dirty and bloodied. One last mission…one last duty. This was for them. For all those heroes who stood with him through that nightmare that was Bastogne. For all those heroes that fell with him in that hellstorm that was Bastogne. They just wanted to know. So, he stood before the chosen ones in his dirty, bloodied uniform. The President, the senators, the congressional representatives, the judges, the lobbyists, the CEOs and the talk show hosts. He watched and he listened because they just wanted to know. His brothers in arms wanted to know what all those people were doing with what they had been given on that frozen, splintered morning in the woods of Bastogne. With his heart breaking he turned to go back and tell his brothers what he had seen. They will be so disappointed.
Monday, November 4, 2013
OK…just a couple of things that I think a couple of you guys should think about. Just a little advice and it’s for your own good. To all my squirrel, raccoon, chipmunk and opossum friends out there, there is nothing you need on the other side of the road. Same stuff as this side…trust me. The acorns aren’t any sweeter, the babes are not any better looking, there’s no need to make the trip. And not making the unneeded trip reduces your smooshability factor geometrically. And to all my deer buds, not sure if you realize this or not, but those “Deer Crossing” signs are not meant for you. They do not mean that this is the ideal spot to safely cross the highway. What they do mean is that this is the ideal spot to cross the highway if you’re looking for an intimate affair with the front bumper of a Buick. And to my wild turkey friends…the birds not the bourbon lovers... you are supposed to be the smartest and most elusive of the game birds. Why then do I see you just hangin’ out, in plain sight, with those other turkeys in that corner field every morning? That is not being smart or elusive…that’s being dinner. I hope you guys will consider my words in the spirit they were given. See, I like you guys. I really do. And I’d just hate to see you get smooshed or seasoned so close to the Holidays.